Two Months…

…not even and I’ll be a senior. Something about that doesn’t feel right. Is it because a month ago I was crying over the seniors who mean the most to me? Or is it because I can say that over the past three years that even though I’ve changed, I’m still the same person?
I understand that people change in High School… Change their minds, clothes, friends, morals, etc. But it’s the first one that’s the most important (that and your morals, but that’s a different day).
Everyone has a certain air about them… its how they think and act… it’s their ideas and opinions… As we grow up these ideas and opinions should mature, maybe even change a little, and grow up with us.
However, in High School, some people forget this and they lose who they were. They’ll say, “Oh I haven’t changed at all,” but only an outsider or a real friend can tell you otherwise. I won’t like, I’ve probably changed a lot in the way that I act over the three years I’ve completed of High School. But in those three years I haven’t forgotten that this is real life.
I came into high school as a stubborn little girl who wanted the world to revolve around me. I still have my stubborn days (& I’m still little) but I’ve grown to pretty much hate most of the people in the world. It took a couple fights and heartbreak, but I’ve learned not to believe everything that is said to me. Therefore I do not want the world revolving around me.
In ninth grade, I cared about what others thought of me. Now I really don’t. I dress up when I feel like it (&only when I know I can pull it off) and wear sweats when I’m having (or feeling like I’m going t have) bad days (or weeks).
Sophomore year I thought I was in love. I had my heart broken and then I quickly came up with “Hope” and “Stay Strong” as my life sayings.
Junior year I walked in with a “drama free” attitude. That’s what I got too: a drama free year. I also met a boy, had some hopes crushed, and then decided that love isn’t real (or that it just doesn’t work).
The thing about change is, it only happens to fully work if you let it. Now, mentally I have changed. I have the same opinions as three years ago, but I’m better educated now and those opinions have matured. I’ve changed physically; I think everyone does, especially in four years. I have not changed emotionally, though my emotions still run on high and tampered with is not fun. I cry, okay, big deal, everyone does. I just have a harder time controlling it. I have panic attacks when I mess something up. Thos things have not changed; maybe it’s just a bit worse now from stress.
But people, girls especially, want everyone else to like them. That’s where the evils of change begin to show. I know girls who started school with an “I don’t care” attitude and didn’t want to run with the “popular” crowd. (Wow I feel like I’m in a cheesy 90s film.) But now they are. Not only did they have to change how they looked and acted, but they had to change how they thought of and saw these people. But I’ve also seen the popular girls fall in rank and lose everything.
I wanted to be popular before, but it was too much work. I’m really simple, I don’t need much… jeans, t-shirt, mascara and I’m alright. I lost things (like best friends, trust, etc.) early in high school, so when I got some back (best friends) I learned to appreciate them better and everyone being my friend was not important anymore.
Another thing in High School, what’s with the gossip? I’m not going to lie, I’ve heard things about people that I’m not friends with and I’ve said something to someone. However, I’ve never told anyone anything that my friends have told me not to tell. Maybe I’ve told Melany something but who is she honestly going to tell? She doesn’t know any of you. In my sophomore year I had a friendship (and trust) ruined because I had friends who I thought I could trust, but they went and twisted my words around making it seem like what I had originally said was a trillion times worse. The funny thing about it was my dad was there when I had said and knew what I had meant. But its life, maybe those friends and events were good for me to lose. I’ve never brought up something I wasn’t supposed to unless the person I’m with already knows. I’m not one of the dumb girls of the world. I still know the meaning of trust and promises.
Everyone deserves a little change. High doesn’t just change you though; it creates who you’re going to be.
The things that are the same about me are: I still care about everyone, regardless of how they’ve treated me in the past; I put effort into every friendship, no matter how hard it is; and I still write to cope with every day life. Did I mention I still don’t find a point in drama? Yeah, I’ve felt that way since seventh grade. Get over your problems. If you don’t like each other, stop talking. And stop being fake where is that going to get you in life?
There’s a time in everyone’s life when you just have to grow up and stop caring about what people say about you. You’re supposed to grow up in High School; mentally, physically, and emotionally, but I feel like not everyone does. I’ve grown as an opinionated speaker through “Jackie” and that has helped me not to care about what is said about me or how I look or who I even talk to. But I’ve always been the different, almost weird, girl in class who doesn’t really talk much.
Sometimes disliking other people’s lifestyle comes in handy.
For the first time in over a month this is Jackie, and remember I don’t know crap.
P.S. Keep a look out for the new “Hollie’s Quotes” posts I have planned. I’ve been writing two for the past couple days. I hope to have them posted soon.