Senior Year; Slipping, Homecoming, Updates, Guys

It’s a little out of order from the title, but I like to keep things exciting. (:

It’s been far too long since I’ve even looked at this page. I can’t believe school has really taken over. Everything is just getting so ridiculous I don’t even have time for sleep anymore.
Well because sleep is usually a major factor is getting by with life and every day tasks I can tell you that I have been slipping in every way possible. My grades were not where they could have been this quarter and my mental health is seemingly gross right now. This stress has just taken everything. School and homework is one thing… Then there’s work, which I’m at basically all the time. And I’m usually there until 10:00 or 10:30, which means I’m not going to bed until midnight or sometimes one in the morning. (Mind you, this was during first quarter when I had a first period class.) I just can’t handle it sometimes. Or I couldn’t then… But even know in the second quarter with late arrival, I can’t do it. Working 4 days in a row just kills me. I get so tired and then I’m still up all night trying to catch up on homework from three days ago. So school, homework, and work seem to fit all together in this tangle of stress.
Then of course there’s always a boy issue. I’m running in circles trying to figure out whether or not anything will happen. And honestly, I’m sick of it. If you’re going to complain about why the girl always picks “The Jerk” (see previous post The Way I’ve Felt for more), but did you ever think that it’s not just the girl? It’s your fault too. Did you ever think to move on? to open your eyes and look at what you’ve got in front of you? to look for someone who isn’t just going to be a dumb skank? Honestly guys, this isn’t just our faults. As much as you want to blame us, you have to take a look at yourself as well. And you might not like my answer, but it’s kind of true. Yeah, I would rather be with The Jerk, but if he’s not around I’ll move on. I’ll find the next cute boy who should be looking for me, but is instead running after another dumb girl who probably doesn’t even care. And then I look the idiot girl who is making a horrible choice but can’t help how she feels. I’ve tried to give up my feelings, that doesn’t work. So I try to go after those feelings and I get told I’m cute but they’re into someone else. Awesome guys, that’s exactly why I’m doing this. After a while I have to stop. There’s always going to be a time when I can’t put effort into it, especially if I know that it’s almost pointless. I’ll still stick around though. It’s what I do. I keep the hope alive and I’ll continue to try winning this unwinnable game.
Hmmmm. Homecoming, anyone? Hahah, of course I went this year; it’s senior year. I HAD to go, it was my last chance. I went alone. Yeah, I know, poor me. I really wanted to go with someone. And apparently everyone else knew that I “had a date” but I didn’t. I mean, I really didn’t have a date either. I went with some friends and it was a lot of fun. I didn’t think it’d be as much fun as it was because I hate dances. It was fun though. I still wish that I had had a date, but I didn’t and I’ve gotten over it. It was a good night and I’ll remember it for a while now.
Some updates… Besides my mental health and my view of guys right now, right? Well. I applied to college. I applied to eight to be exact. They include: Bowdoin College (Maine), Providence College (Rhode Island), Miami University (Ohio, and where I really want to go), Baldwin Wallace, The Ohio State University, University of Toledo, University of Dayton, and John Carroll University. Oh and believe me that brought me down a few mental notches as well. I have graduation registration and I have no idea what I’m doing. I think it’s ridiculous. Just gimme a cap and gown and tassel and let’s call it a day. Good thing I want a key chain now too.
I didn’t think Senior Year would be this stressful. I wish I had more time to hang out with friends and do fun things. Instead I’m at Marc’s all the time and struggling to keep up in class. Hopefully the next few months change things and I’ll be able to relax.
But for now, I’m still Jackie and I guess I still don’t know crap. <3 Keep checking back and become a fan – Oh excuse me “Like” – Jackie Doesn’t Know Crap on Facebook. You’ll be glad you did! ​