Life Changes as People Change

The thing about life changing is that it sucks sometimes and other times, I guess, not so much.
As your life changes, you begin to learn more about yourself. I guess that’s apart of growing up too.
I went to college in August. I came home once a month for three out of the four months I was there. In that time, I met so many people and made so many great friends. I talked about them the first time I wrote about school in September.
I’ve been home for a month. I spent the majority of that time with my dad. I saw my friends at least one time each. I worked a lot. I started to hate school. But with only a few days left of break, while I dread the moment I step back into my dorm room, I think I’m actually ready to go back to school. I think that school made it so I realized when to grow up or how to grow up or that people change and get nasty and you lose friends in life.
My dad has three friends from high school. At the beginning of the semester I had maybe 10. Now I’m not sure where I’m at. I have to find myself again. I don’t think I ever did in the first place. I know who I want to be, the person that is good and loves everyone and depends only on herself because relying on others sucks. But sometimes I want to rely on others and make other people drive me around and take care of me. I won’t ever get that because I drop things for my friends and do whatever they need me to do. I don’t know anyone, besides my dad, who has ever dropped what they were doing because I needed them.
Life is changing. People are changing. I am changing.
It sucks. Right now, I want to go back to summer and relive that forever. A few months from now, it will be summer again and I will be working at Marc’s and giving my life away to that store once more. And I will be happy with any more changes that happen in the next few months. I have to welcome change with open arms.
The one thing that will never change is that I am Jackie and I don’t know crap.