A Little Out of the Ordinary

I have measured time in terms of the number 8 for the last 4 years: eight days until eighteen, eight days until I leave for college, eight hours until I’m 21.
This time, eight was the number of days I spent silent listening to God.  It has been eight months since I was baptized and still there are so many days when I think “Two years ago you could not have convinced me that before I graduate I will have gone on one group retreat, decide to be baptized, and then go on a silent retreat in which I only get to talk to God.”  Two years ago, the girl I was could barely believe in herself – let alone in some higher power.
People say it all the time, “God saved me.”  I won’t say that.  I was not suffering from anything at the time and I didn’t need to be saved.  But I did need something to believe in.  At the time I could barely believe in myself and was struggling hardcore with school, God came in and gave me something new to believe in.  He gave me a new way to look at myself and he has helped me grow as a person.
I never openly talk about my religion or my conversion, unless someone asks because I still fear what people have to say about it.  I chose the Catholic Church because I go to aCatholic-JesuitUniversity– it is what I understand and see every day.  And it’s what I was called to.  That might sound strange, but I do believe in talking to God.  I mean, I hope I do considering I just spent eight days doing so.  God might not explicitly say something but I can feel what he is calling me to do.
Since I had gone on the retreat that lead me to being converted, I had dreamt of going on John Carroll’s Eight Day Silent Retreat.  When it came time to turn in applications, I still hadn’t been to any information sessions because of my internship and classes.  I had lost hope – until a friend told me to personally meet with the director for a one-on-one info session.  With hope restored, I applied and began the prep that needed to be done.  Finally I was told I was approved to go!  (That same day the American Lung Association called me for an internship position!)
Of course I got nervous because I was about to spend eight days of silence surrounded by some of my best/closest friends and that was going to be incredibly hard.  But I continued asking if I was doing the right thing and made it all the way through the retreat.  Eric and I wrote each other super long letters at the beginning say how proud of each other we were, but we made it without talking (mostly).
I had spent eight days trying to get closer to God.  That’s all I wanted to get out of it – I didn’t need to know what I was going to do after Graduation – I needed to get through January first!
So since my last update, I have turned 21… became obsessed with Big Brother (still working on my application for 2015 season)… started my senior year of college … interned at University Heights City Hall… Turned 22… got the best GPA since I started college… and got to know God on a deeper level on an eight day silent retreat.
But I’ve also been living life as best as I can. I keep running into obstacles and things that are slowing me down.  Not a day goes by where I doubt what I’m supposed to be doing with my life or when I think that I could have done so many things differently… But isn’t that what life is about?  The world is moving faster than my head wants me to accept and I can’t handle being 22.  I started this when I was 16 and six years later I still love to write even if I don’t have time.  I still like throwing my opinions into the world as long as no one knows who I am. The real world is coming up faster than I expected and I have some big decisions to make soon.
So for the next few months leading up to G-Day, I hope to write more updates about my final semester at Carroll, Kappa Delta, Sam’s Wedding, and my thoughts on the world in general.
But you know, none of that means anything since I’m almost a college graduate and I still don’t know crap.